We’ve poked fun at Virginia Tech long enough to make them seem like family even before they joined the ACC. Today we send our best thoughts and wishes out to the Hokie Family, in the wake of a tragedy that far outstrips our words.
UPDATE: Thanks to Dan Shanoff for passing this along:
[Not only are a fans' hopes wide open for a new season, and a new chance for success, but Spring rings in the end of February, AKA The Worst Sports Month on the Calendar, and for those caught in less-than-tropical climes, March gives birth to dreams of sunshine and warmth. In order to celebrate properly, I've invited fellow Itch correspondent Red Hook Raider to a friendly debate: Who will win a championship (mythical or not) first, the Yankees or Seminoles? We'll be debating all the relevant topics, such as which ghosts of championships past will see significant playing time this season, or if the overall hotness quotient of fans can be converted into wins, and over the next week or so, I'll be posting installments of our discussion. Enjoy.]
All Ghosts of Championships Past aside, what about this year’s team (and/or their competition) makes you think they can win? And who’s the hottest fan your team boasts, and why will he/she have an impact
Halleck’s Responses:
Question 1: Honestly, this Noles is team is probably a year away from big things. Although they return a bevy of starters from last season, they face a truly brutal schedule: After kicking off early at Clemson on Labor Day (Bowden Bowl MCMDVXLII), they travel to Colorado, play Alabama in Jacksonville, and at Wake Forest before getting Miami at home. Back to back road games against BC and the heretofore ducked ACC-foe Virginia Tech, Maryland at home, then at the Swamp. Overall there are 2 gimmes (UAB and Duke) and 6 teams FSU lost to last season, 4 of those being road games. Breaking in a new offense will be tough, especially on the offensive line, where FSU has had problems for a half-decade now. The QB position is also up for grabs in the spring, with Jimbo!! pitting Weatherford, Lee and Young Gun D’Vontrey Richardson against each other. (Quick note on Richardson – he is lighting it up right now on the Noles baseball team, playing centerfield. 3 of the greatest FSU players ever, Deion Sanders, Charlie Ward, and Chris Weinke were all 2-sport stars. Just sayin’.) The Noles are also replacing 2 all-conference linebackers in Buster Davis and Lawrence Timmons, but defense has never been the problem- especially at LB were they’ve been sensational ever since Kevin Steele arrived (though he’s now gone to ‘Bama). So there’s just enough up in the air, combined with the gauntlet of a schedule to keep this team away for 1 year. After that, well, that’s for next Spring.
Question 2:The easy answer would be Jenn Sterger and her super squad of leather-bound silicone posing as “cow-girls”. 
After all, they got a twitch out of Brent Musberger, and considering the way the former Strong Man Competition announcer is pickled, that’s quite a feat. But here I’m going to have to go with the legendary tag team of Burt Reynolds and Lee Corso. Lee has alluded to getting Burt’s leftovers in the old days when they were roommates at FSU, but the truth has been deemed by the Supreme Court as too lascivious to release to the public. Burt had the looks to get the ladies in the room. Lee had the buttery voice to make them melt. Burt bought the white pants for the “Butler Did It” Clemson game that made the puntrooskie famous. Lee sandbags them on College Gameday in failed attempts to get them to play harder. And if you think for a moment they haven’t run the Chinese fingercuffs on Jenn Sterger, you’re crazy.
Red Hook Raider’s Responses:
Question 1:This one is simple. Just take a look at the 2007 projected line up:
L – Doug Mientkiewicz (1B)
The only holes are Doug M. (and he’s a tremendous defensive 1B) and…..ok, I guess Doug M. is really the only hole in this lineup. Let’s start with a very brief analysis from the top down. First I will comment on O and then on D.
Damon: O: this guy is tough as nails and fought through injuries all of last year. Is quickly becoming a clubhouse leader off the field even though this is only his 3rd yr in pinstripes. 
D: has a weaker arm than Jeter’s ex girlfriend Jessica Biel but has decent range and a knack for coming up with big catches.
Jeter: O: what more can you say about this guy? He was robbed of the MVP last year and his only response is that he is just disappointed that the Yanks didn’t bring home the title. D: Everyone knocks him for his range and “inability” to play SS as well as others but he is always in the right place at the right time and doesn’t take a single play off.
Matsui: O: could be a slight question mark considering how much time he missed last season but if he returns to form he is a doubles machine. D: Has a decent arm, ok range, and doesn’t make too many mistakes. Will basically play Martyball out there.
ARod: O: Everyone in the bigs seems to think that he will have a good year. I personally seem to think his ability to opt-out of his contract after this year is the wild card. It’s almost a do or die kind of situation. If he has another bad year, I think he will opt out and try to find a change of scenery. On the other hand, if he plays well, I think he honors the contract. It’s almost too tough to tell but the media will be on him every day. D: Tough to say; if he isn’t hitting well, he doesn’t field well. He’s the embodiment of this vicious cycle.
Giambi: O: Poised for another monster year. He fought through a brutal wrist injury and was almost hobbled by season’s end. Playing DH only will limit injuries. D: Will only play 1B if everyone gets hurt or if there’s like a 100 year storm or something.
Abreu: O: Played very well at the end of last season and reminds some of a Paul O’Neill type hitter with his patience at the plate. Could cement place in Yankee lore with O’Neill type big hits in the post season. Not capable of carrying the entire offense but is in a perfect position to contribute here and there with his offense. D: Has a ridiculous HOSE (that’s disgusting. -ed.) in the outfield, perhaps the 3rd strongest arm in the bigs after Vlad Guerrero and Ichiro. Knack for being in the right place.
Cano: O: On pace to become an absolute monster. Has become more of a power hitter and would bat 3/4/5 on any other team. Yankees have the luxury of putting his power in the lower end of the lineup. D: Still earning the position, Larry Bowa’s tutelage makes him a stronger player every year.
Posada: O: Although he is getting older and catchers seem to age in dog years, Posada is still a valuable contributor and manages his staff with the best of them. Torre will look to spell him more this season to save him for the post-season, where he truly shines. D: Handles his staff with the best of them. Doesn’t have the strongest arm so guys can steal on him.
Mientkiewicz: O: He is the only real “hole” in this lineup. But he’s not here for his offense. If he does anything it is welcome and unexpected. He’s here to shore up the D. D: This is what he does best. When Doug’s in the game, you will have no errors, smart fielding, few stolen bases, etc. He has great range and will save 1-2 outs a game vs. when Giambi is playing the field.
On both sides of the ball, there aren’t too many holes. If MLB became TBMLB (Tee Ball MLB), the Yanks would be favored every single year. Unfortunately, you have the throw the ball and that’s where the Yanks have too many question marks. Can Pavano contribute anything? Can Chien Ming Wang stay healthy and continue to be an ace? Can Mussina pitch effectively and get his mind off of crossword puzzles? Does the Rocket return? You get the point. I could go on all day. There are a million question marks surrounding the pitching staff. However, offensively and defensively, the Yanks can go toe to toe with anyone in the league. Based on their offense/defense, I like their chances. When you include pitching, you start including multiple question marks.
Question 2: Let’s see…hmmm, well, try these on for size: Mariah Carey, former Miss Universe Lara Dutta, Jordana Brewster, Scarlett Johansson, Vanessa Minnillo, Jessica Biel…these women ring a bell yet? That’s right, they’re ALL ex-girlfriends of Derek Jeter. The guy is a complete stud and his girlfriend will always be the hottest Yankee fan. So there.
Derek’s trophy room.
However, whoever Derek J. dates will have an impact because the woman he is dating will really effectuate the mood of your typical Yankee fan’s girlfriend. For example, if DJ is dating someone all girls hate, like Mariah, then the Yankee fans will have to deal with some bad mojo. If he starts dating someone that girls generally like, (i.e., Reese Witherspoon et. al.) then I think there is little to fear.
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Ohio has had a rough last 3 months, losing collegiate titles in football and basketball to Florida, and temporarily surrendering many of its professional football players to the United States penal system. But brighter times are ahead for the Buckeye State, just ask her yourself:
“Sure, I’ve been crying a lot lately, and bruising my face trying to use Tory Smith’s Heisman for a Kleenex. But I think I’ve got it all figured out now. I just need my own ‘Muck City.’”
Ohio is referring to the area surrounding Lake Okeechobee in Florida profiled by Eric Adelson in the latest ESPN (Not the TV Station) The Magazine.* Adelson tells the tales of impoverished youngsters honing their speed in the blazing sugar cane fields of central Florida by chasing rabbits for food and pelts. According to legend, the rabbit chase is responsible for putting high school football championship trophies into area gymnasiums, and for putting local players into top-10 college programs and the pros, like Anquan Boldin and Fred Taylor. And now that Ohio knows where all that speed comes from, she wants a little for herself.
“I’ve got some rough hoods, Youngstown and such, but I hadn’t thought of rabbits. I thought of mobsters, Grey Goose, bulletproof vests and hatchets, but not rabbits.”Ohio says she now has plans for her own sugarcane fields populated with disenfranchised black youths, not far from Grand Lake. She believes the speed cultivated from those teenagers could put her sports teams back on the right path. “A couple generations of burning and harvesting to flush the rabbits should get Steubenville and Coldwater into that Pahokee High and Glades Central range,” Ohio said, referring to the respective high school football champions for herself and Florida.
“[Urban] Meyer and [Bobby] Bowden may think they’ve got the ‘destitute teens chasing wildlife to feed themselves and supplement their family income thereby generating blazing 40 times’ market cornered, but just wait until I get my own Muck City. Then we’ll see who all the trophies belong to.”
Michigan, Illinois and Pennsylvania could not be reached for comment, but all are also believed to be in contact with the Crystal Sugar Company about importing their own Muck Cities.
*Sorry, Insider subscription required for online viewing. UPDATE: Link now available in normal viewing.
[Not only are a fans' hopes wide open for a new season, and a new chance for success, but Spring rings in the end of February, AKA The Worst Sports Month on the Calendar, and for those caught in less-than-tropical climes, March gives birth to dreams of sunshine and warmth. In order to celebrate properly, I've invited fellow Itch correspondent Red Hook Raider to a friendly debate: Who will win a championship (mythical or not) first, the Yankees or Seminoles? We'll be debating all the relevant topics, such as which ghosts of championships past will see significant playing time this season, or if the overall hotness quotient of fans can be converted into wins, and over the next week or so, I'll be posting installments of our discussion. Enjoy.]
The sport of baseball is notorious for attempting to predict future success from past achievement, spawning the most detestable phrase in sports: “He’s due.” (My short rebuttal: performance determines batting average, not the other way around.) But college athletics are the only major American sports that actually reward past success with future benefit. While the K.C. Royals, Memphis Grizzlies and Detroit Lions of the professional world are rewarded for stinking up the joint with high draft picks, losing college football games means losing good athletes to other schools. And while the talent gap may be easier to overcome nowadays, and exceptions like Rutgers can rise from the dung heap, the larger truth is the rich get richer in college football by way of winning games.
So history is actually important.In that vein, what about your team’s history indicates big success in the near future? And if you could bring back one former player, alive or dead, for this season only and with all the prowess they possessed when they first played, who would have the biggest impact?
Halleck’s Responses:
Question 1:With both our squads, our long term history looks much better than recent seasons. FSU’s has been particularly troubling. It’s hard to completely disregard the past 5 seasons, but considering the recent staff changes, it’s necessary. (We’ll address specific management changes in a future post.) So I’ll hearken back to a run that is nearly unprecedented in any sport in the last 50 years: 14 straight seasons as one of the top 4 teams in the sport. Other possible examples are UCLA’s 10 basketball titles in 12 years from 1964-1975, the Celtic’s 11 titles from 1957-1969, or maybe the Yanks’ 5 straight from 1949-1953, but the closest is probably the Atlanta Braves winning 14 straight division titles, something never duplicated in any sport. And the scarcity of championships is the same as well. FSU only won 2 titles in those 14 years, and probably came about 9 total points and a Chris Weinke cracked vertebrae from having 5 or 6. Bobby Bowden often joked that his tombstone would read: “…but he played Miami.” But consider these facts: the master recruiter and motivator that oversaw (best description of Bowden’s “coaching”) that unbelievable run is still there, and he’s been forced to turn over the offense completely, just as Mark Richt made him do in 1993. Coincidentally, that was Championship I for Bowden. The Noles are still milking that run in terms of recruiting, though not as well as years past, plus they’re still putting the best players in the NFL. That 14-year stretch, and the winningest coach in D-I college football history put FSU into the pantheon of great teams, and pantheon teams never disappear forever*.
Question 2:
Since FSU’s glorious football history is primarily contained in the last 25 years, all the great ones are still alive. But this would be pretty easy – it’d have to be “Prime Time.” I know people may scream and holler about this offense, and pine for Charlie Ward, Weinke, Warrick Dunn or Peter Warrick (wow- that’s a lot of W’s), but there are 3 sides of the ball in college and Neon Deion Sanders could impact 2 of them – defense and special teams. The Noles secondary has been sketchy for the past few seasons, and the kick return game has been MIA as well. Deion locks down the best offensive weapon, puts the offense in good shape, and provides a much needed swagger. He and Young Myron Rolle patrolling the FSU secondary would be a thing of beauty, and I’m sure he’d work some touches in on offense as well. Instant game/team/season-changer.
*Unless you’re SMU, or any NHL team.
Red Hook Raider’s Responses:
Question 1:
Ok, what is it about the Yanks history indicates great success? Consider this: in modern baseball, parity is the new king. Since 2001 when the D-Bags er D-backs (or Diamondbacks or whatever the F they are) ended the Yankee dynasty, no team has even remotely sniffed two in a row:
You get the point. At this rate, the KC Royals might win the 2007 World Series. Ok, probably not, but the point is, MLB baseball has done gone changed. For everyone that would love to whine about how teams employ mercenary free agents and only the big spenders win, uhmmm, the White Sox? The Cardinals? Puhhhh-lease.
BUT! The question here relates to the NYY and their legacy – specifically what makes me think they can be successful in the near future. Take the above timeline and go back to the World Series winners from a few years prior. The Yanks hoisted the trophy in 1996, 1998, 1999, 2000. That’s a freakin’ dynasty, man! Now, granted, some of the parts have changed. But the Yanks at their core are guys like Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera, Jorge Posada. They’re still there and will be for at least the next 2-3 years. Mix in some great guys like Abreu, Matsui, Damon, Robinson Cano and then a pitcher who just might be the next Roger Clemens (Phillip Hughes) and I think you are talking about a team capable of getting off the schneid (as the young kids say). So core players from dynasty Yanks + new blood = championship. Actually, if you want, you can pretty much break this down to the “real” core guys, specifically Jeter and Mariano. Everyone else is sort of along for the ride. If those guys get close, they will just carry the Yanks. This is evidenced in the playoff games against the Tigers last year, Jeter went 5-5 in Game 1 and finished the series hitting close to .500. (Note: Mariano didn’t even pitch)
Question 2:
Would it be fair to say Whitey Ford? Don Larsen? Ron Guidry? You get the point: the Yanks are starved for pitching these days. Why else sign a hopefully not-too-over-the-hill Andy Pettitte and keep your fingers crossed for the Rocket’s return? Anyway, I’m going to buck some CW and say that the man to re-introduce here is none other than a flame-throwing David Cone in his prime. Cone is/was/will always be one of the Yankees big-game pitchers. What kinds of highlights does this man possess? Let’s look at the tape: perfect game in July of 1999; Cy Young in 1994; and pure money in the post season: an 8-3 postseason record over 21 postseason starts with a career postseason ERA of 3.80 AND he was a part of five World Series championship teams (1992 with the Toronto Blue Jays and 1996, 1998, 1999, and 2000 with the New York Yankees). This is the guy that Torre leaned on in a big way. Look no further than Game 4 of the 2000 world series: Yanks up 2 games to 1, Denny Naegle (WHO?) facing slugger Mike Piazza in the 5th inning. What does Torre do? He pulls Naegle for the guy he trusted: Cone. How does Cone respond? He induces a Piazza pop-out. End of inning. End of game. Series over. Yanks win again. If you have seen the Yanks in the last few years, Torre hasn’t been able to trust any of his pitchers. Why do you think Pettitte is back? Hell, if in 2006 Cone’s arm wasn’t held together with knitting yarn, I’m sure Torre would try to sign him up. David Cone was a huhhh-yuge part of the Yankee dynasty and a stand-up guy in the locker room (Cone was a tremendously vocal team leader). The Yanks could definitely use more guys like him.
