Or, alternatively, “Waiting for the Motherfucking Bottom to Drop Out.” Scan these here internets over the last 6 months, and you’d find nary a negative note pertaining to the Noles. Ever since the Emerald Bowl, and the ousting of Jeffy Bowden before that, it’s been all roses, puppy dogs, fluffy clouds and rainbows for FSU football. Can it possibly last? Wethinks not, especially when brutal-ass gauntlet we call The Schedule kicks off in 4 months, but that won’t stop us from rolling around in the potpourri-smelling mud for a while.
It’s good to be a Nole this Spring…
Here’s a recap of all the sunshiny stories beaming from Tallahassee these days:
The coaching staff is coming together like beautiful bukkake. Questions of which QB will actually be responsible for administering Jimbo!! Fisher’s array of football schemes are irrelevant compared to tales of the schemes themselves, and all the buddy-buddy assistants having fun drawing up said schemes. And if you dare to question how well a receiver screen can really be executed when Drew Weatherford is streaking to his own goal line in pursuit of the latest defensive end to lay his clutches on an FSU pass, we won’t miss you around these parts, you negative Nellie.
The offensive line is getting its collective Ricki Lake whooped into shape. Marine drill instructor Rick Trickett is pissed (PISSED!) about the shape of his offensive line, and he’s reassigning linemen and strength coaches every which way from Sunday, and even bringing back a familiar face. After hearing his opening press conference, I immediately started the Jenny Craig diet, and while I’ve lost 15-20 pounds of fat, my quickness still isn’t where Coach Trickett wants it.
The receivers ain’t soft no more. The stories flew out of Spring ball that receivers were blocking downfield, getting in safeties faces, and generally doing things that receivers normally do when not catching passes. Um, OK. Well, then this video footage was prepared by the Department of Things I Didn’t Know I Was Supposed To Be Worried About, But Now Retro-Actively Am Pissed Off At. WR (and supposed girly-man) Greg Carr vs. DB Roger Williams:
(Please ignore interception. Fisher and Trickett and the boys love to laugh together!)
Urban Meyer now recruiting for FSU. We thought only Meyer’s bionic Blackberry/Left-hand mutant meld was capable of pulling in a slew of early commitments, but the FSU staff has been racking them up this Spring, nabbing 11 so far. What does this mean? Maybe that Nick Saban will try to keep his conversations with these boys short, limiting them to “Please come play for Bama, and don’t tell no one I said that.”
The Seminole Nation was blessed/cursed with this little ditty:
Going on near the second straight year, the Noles haven’t set foot near EDSBS‘s hallowed Fulmer Cup scoreboard. Not only does this defy logic and all prior history (getting arrested is in the FSU genes), and not only does it freak us out to no end, but we can’t actually decide if this is a good thing or not. Take a look at the standings, and cast your memory back to 1999, and you discover that the number of wins a team has directly correlates to their standing in the Fulmer Cup (Illinois and San Jose State’s outlier status be damned). I’m not asking for Warrick, Coles or A.J. Nicholson here, but would a little Janikowski kill this team?
Tony Barnhardt, however, ignores the absence of criminal malfeasance emanating from Tallahassee, and picks the Noles and the Jackets to win their respective ACC divisions. ESPN concurs.
And finally, in case the candlelight from your Bo Jackson shrine was blinding you, Steve Ellis has a reminder of who the greatest multi-sport college football player in the modern era is, and wonders why he isn’t in the college football hall of fame.
